Heather Sparrow's Snippets

Just a couple of cute lines, a mixture of snippets and five word fan fics.


Harry Potter

"We'll have to institutionalize that poor boy. He's completely upset, screaming 'They're here already!'. He swears that this friendly, gentle, charming man who came looking for him is 'not' his potion teacher. Instead he saw him being born out of a giant pod in a greenhouse. Swears that his potion teacher, Professor Snape, was a nasty tyrant. He must be out of his mind, poor chap."


"Look at you! Half of the Forbidden Forest in your hair, and the whole menu of today in your beard. Le me clean you up!"
"Love yeh too, Sev'rus."


On the subject if an animal in a story by Anne-Li might be a pirrel, an expert in such matters was consulted:
"T'was a Pirrel, ter be sure. They live in th' trees in this part of th' Ferbidden Forest. 'Xactly like squirrels, they eat nuts 'n th' seeds of other trees. Funny li'l fellers. Had one once, and I didn't know then they're quite crazy when it comes ter matin'. Go at ev'rythin' their size. Perfesser McGonagall 'n Argus Filch as well - they wouldn't speak ter me fer quite a while -"
"Rubeus?!"
"Ummmm - yes, Sev - Perfesser Snape?"
"It would be most helpful if you came over and stirred this potion. Stop chatting up busy people."
"But - but yeh're not makin' any potion, yeh're lyin' in me -"
"Accio, Hagrid."
"Uuuuufffff!"
"Stir!"


Lord Voldemort: "You promised this machine would be ready weeks ago. I am not happy."
Computer Repair Death Eater: "My Lord, I ..."
Lord Voldemort: "Alright. I'll give you one more chance to serve me ..."
Computer Repair Death Eater: "Thank you, my Lord, oh, thank you!"
Lord Voldemort: "... as dinner for my snake! Nice food, Nagini! (to another Death Eater): and now, by Salazar's bollocks, let's find someone who's able to make this infernal machine work!"


Sleepy Hollow

"You look beautiful when you faint. So helpless ..."


"Du bist mein hübscher, verdorbener Knabe, Ichabod." (You're my spoiled, pretty boy, Ichabod).


"Say it again, Ichabod."
"Ick liiiiebe disch."
"You've got a Hessian accent, Lieber."


"Oooooooh, Horseman!" - "Ja, mein Liebster!"


"Ah yes, dear, those bags with "Gut" on them, exactly my thing, even if Allan Darling called them a bit Nitribitt, the little bitch!"
"Okay, Lord Gloria, let me say hello to my friend Anne-Li. Thank you very much, there's a dear art thief."


From Eroica With Love

"Pink cyclist shorts?! You can't be serious!"
"Would you rather want me to take them off, Darling?"


"Flattened by a tank. Dorian."


"It's not big enough!"
"But Klaus! You can't be serious!"
"If I tell you!"
"But -"
"Shut up and pass me the next bigger size of skeleton key!"


Cheat on Klaus and you better get out of bed running ... and running fast ...


Announcement by Major Klaus von dem Eberbach:

Notice: Everyone insituating, hinting at, even thinking that me looking at Annoying Fop's outfit, especially tight trousers, this morning meant something else than disapproval, will find himself on the next plane to Alaska!"

Major Klaus von dem Eberbach (pulls safety catch off Magnum after shaking computer guy a bit): "This thing will work perfectly in an hour, or ..."
Dorian: "Darling, don't frighten the poor boy! Look how he looks!"
Major (unperturbed): "... or I will let that pervert next to me paw you to his heart's delight!"
addition by Anne-Li
Major : "But liebling, the computer held those ... cough, special videos, cough, we made, together ... And those were the only copies ..."
Dorian: "Kill him."


Misc. or Crossovers

Special courting is always interesting. an axe whistling past a sweet constable's head. A bullet missing a blond mass of curls only marginally. A knife thrown, cutting a way a few tips of dark hair. Blue translucent mushrooms placed outside a dungeon door. "Here is a potion which will cure that ugly slobbering monster of yours. You should take better care of him. I won't do it again, if he thinks he can play with my cobra."


On the subject of slashers forcing characters to have gay sex against canon.
Dorian: "A cannon? Oooooh yes, the Major has a beautiful large cannon ... on his tank. - Oh, she meant 'canon'? Major! Major! Good news! It doesn't apply to us, because I am gay and after you in canon!"
Klaus: "And you know, if you ever got the idea to force me, I'd let you eat your own cock!"
Snape: "He never had to force you, though."
Klaus: *coughs*.
Dorian: "I like the 'get gay now' part..."
Hagrid: Never heard anythin' 'bout anyone fuckin somebody with a cannon. I mean, Grawp an' Trittnichtaufmich have a lot 'o kinky sex aright, but a cannon ...
Snape: "Not a cannon! A spelling error of the most stupid sort. Canon!"
Hagrid: "... but as far as I can see, Trittnichtaufmich ne'er forced Grawp ter do anythin ... 'specially not with a cannon ..."
Snape: "Canon! Rubeus, canon! As for the forcing thing - did you ever feel forced to make love to me?"
Hagrid: "Nah. Tha's sumthing I'd do all day if yeh'd let me ... If yeh ask me they can stuff their canon where ..."
Snape: "Shhhhhhhh!"
Dorian: "That's slashy again!"


Dr. Frankenstein: "This computer works just fine ... a few spare parts from the repair shop ..."


Feel free to write me at kargoo at arcor.de.
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